To Cross Over: Become detached from wealth and family

SB 3.25.39-40 — Thus the devotee who worships Me, the all-pervading Lord of the universe, in unflinching devotional service, gives up all aspirations to be promoted to heavenly planets or to become happy in this world with wealth, children, cattle, home or anything in relationship with the body. I take him to the other side of birth and death.

• unflinching devotional service
• engaging oneself in full devotional service
• accepting the Supreme Lord as all in all
• if one thus serves with unflinching faith, then one has achieved all other opulences and performed all other duties!
• (Above points from Srila Prabhupada's purport to this verse)
• gives up aspirations to be promoted to heavenly planets
• can I give up my aspiration to become a popular person, a well-known person, a person with a following, living in opulence, flying around being known as a jet-setter
• All these desires are blocking me from crossing over to Krishna's side
• Serving Krishna and His devotees with unflinching faith is the greatest opulence, none of these are worth comparing to the Greatest Jewel of service to Krishna and His devotees
• or become happy in this world with wealth, children, cattle, home or anything in relationship with the body
I did not learn my lessons, tried very hard to be happy with family life but the happiness was never there. Because I did not learn then Krishna has now taken away that chance from me. Am I still going to hanker for that or am I going to move forward in developing love and service towards Krishna and His devotees?



I tried to hold on to happiness in family life but it was constantly slipping away from my hands

• My attachment to money: Learned a wonderful thing from a gentleman in a Gita class I was teaching on Thursday, Feb 8th, - he told me when we know we are not the Proprietors of our wealth, but Krishna is then we become peaceful and we learn to let go. Krishna is the Proprietor of all my wealth and whatever anyone owes me as well then we become extremely peaceful. Krishna is also the Supreme Controller ( mayadhyaksena prakriti, sarva loka maheshwaram) and the Supreme Well wisher of all living entities. While I do the needful in wealth management, I need to rest in great peace with the fact that Krishna is going to take care of me and in the past, he has taken care of me and is taking care of me in very tangible and intangible ways.

SB 3.25.41 — The terrible fear of birth and death can never be forsaken by anyone who resorts to any shelter other than Myself, for I am the almighty Lord, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the original source of all creation, and also the Supreme Soul of all souls.

Why are my name, fame, prestige, wealth, popularity, righteousness more important to me than the shelter of the Lord? These things are not going to let me reach the Lotus Feet of the Supreme Lord, in fact, these will pull me away from the Lord.

I sincerely pray at the Lotus Feet of the Vaishnavas that I am able to overcome my intense attachment to these things and serve the Lord sincerely with a sincere pure heart of spreading knowledge about Him and knowledge given by Him to everyone on whatever platform I go to

He is my husband, She is My wife: The hard knot of material existence

Lord Rshabha Dev's teachings

SB 5.5.8

puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etaṁ

 tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ

ato gṛha-kṣetra-sutāpta-vittair

 janasya moho ’yam ahaṁ mameti

The attraction between male and female is the basic principle of material existence. On the basis of this misconception, which ties together the hearts of the male and female, one becomes attracted to his body, home, property, children, relatives and wealth. In this way one increases life’s illusions and thinks in terms of “I and mine.”

Purport Snippet:

Due to the entangling relationship between man and woman, there is a sense of illusion whereby one thinks, “This man is my husband,” or “This woman is my wife.” This is called hṛdaya-granthi, “the hard knot in the heart.” This knot is very difficult to undo, even though a man and woman separate either for the principles of varṇāśrama or simply to get a divorce. In any case, the man always thinks of the woman, and the woman always thinks of the man. Thus a person becomes materially attached to family, property and children, although all of these are temporary.

SB 5.5.9

yadā mano-hṛdaya-granthir asya

 karmānubaddho dṛḍha āślatheta

tadā janaḥ samparivartate ’smād

 muktaḥ paraṁ yāty atihāya hetum

When the strong knot in the heart of a person implicated in material life due to the results of past action is slackened, one turns away from his attachment to home, wife and children. In this way, one gives up the basic principle of illusion [I and mine] and becomes liberated. Thus one goes to the transcendental world.

Purport snippet

When, by associating with sādhus and engaging in devotional service, one is gradually freed from the material conception due to knowledge, practice and detachment, the knot of attachment in the heart is slackened. Thus one can get freed from conditional life and become eligible to return home, back to Godhead.

Note:

Sometimes Krishna will force you to get out , he will create a situation where you will be out.

Husband Wife Interactions must be centered around Lord Krishna else there will be attachment

From Srila Prabhupada's purport to SB 4.28.18 where Puranjana is about to die thinking about his wife
King Purañjana was anxiously thinking, “Alas, my wife is encumbered by so many children. When I pass from this body, how will she be able to maintain all these family members? Alas, she will be greatly harassed by thoughts of family maintenance.”

All these thoughts of one’s wife indicate that the King was overly engrossed with the thoughts of woman. Generally a chaste woman becomes a very obedient wife. This causes a husband to become attached to his wife, and consequently he thinks of his wife very much at the time of death. This is a very dangerous situation, as is evident from the life of King Purañjana. If one thinks of his wife instead of Kṛṣṇa at the time of death, he will certainly not return home, back to Godhead, but will be forced to accept the body of a woman and thus begin another chapter of material existence.

From Srila Prabhupada's purport to SB 4.28.19

King Purañjana then began to think of his past dealings with his wife. He recalled that his wife would not take her dinner until he had finished his, that she would not take her bath until he had finished his, and that she was always very much attached to him, so much so that if he would sometimes become angry and chastise her, she would simply remain silent and tolerate his misbehavior.

Purport: 

A wife is always supposed to be submissive to her husband. Submission, mild behavior and subservience are qualities in a wife which make a husband very thoughtful of her. For family life it is very good for a husband to be attached to his wife, but it is not very good for spiritual advancement. Thus Kṛṣṇa consciousness must be established in every home. If a husband and wife are very much attached to one another in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, they will both benefit because Kṛṣṇa is the center of their existence. Otherwise, if the husband is too much attached to his wife, he becomes a woman in his next life. The woman, being overly attached to her husband, becomes a man in her next life. Of course, it is an advantage for a woman to become a man, but it is not at all advantageous for the man to become a woman.

Give up family life timely to practice detachment

From Srila Prabhupada's purport to SB 4.28.3

When one reaches the age of fifty, he should give up family life. At that time one’s child should be grown up so that the father can leave the family responsibilities to him. The husband and wife may then go abroad to live a retired life and travel to different places of pilgrimage. When both the husband and wife lose their attachment for family and home, the wife returns home to live under the care of her grown-up children and to remain aloof from family affairs. The husband then takessannyāsa to render some service to the Supreme Personality of Godhead.

Systematic Grhastha Life as enjoined in the Vedas is better than irresponsible sinful life

From Srila Prabhupada's purport to SB 4.27.1

A sinful life can be counteracted by various processes of religion such as yajña, vrata and dāna — that is, the performance of sacrifices, the taking of a vow for some religious ritual, and the giving of charity. In this way one may become free from the reactions of sinful life and at the same time awaken his original Kṛṣṇa consciousness. By coming home, taking his bath, eating nice foodstuffs, getting refreshed and searching out his wife, King Purañjana came to his good consciousness in his family life.
Benefits of Systematic Family Life as enjoined in the Vedas
 In other words, a systematic family life as enjoined in the Vedas is better than an irresponsible sinful life. If a husband and wife combine together in Kṛṣṇa consciousness and live together peacefully, that is very nice. However, if a husband becomes too much attracted by his wife and forgets his duty in life, the implications of materialistic life will again resume. Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī has therefore recommended, anāsaktasya viṣayān (Bhakti-rasāmṛta-sindhu 1.2.255). Without being attached by sex, the husband and wife may live together for the advancement of spiritual life. The husband should engage in devotional service, and the wife should be faithful and religious according to the Vedic injunctions. Such a combination is very good. 

Sex Desire spoils spiritual advancement of the family
However, if the husband becomes too much attracted to the wife due to sex, the position becomes very dangerous. Women in general are very much sexually inclined. Indeed, it is said that a woman’s sex desire is nine times stronger than a man’s. It is therefore a man’s duty to keep a woman under his control by satisfying her, giving her ornaments, nice food and clothes, and engaging her in religious activities. Of course, a woman should have a few children and in this way not be disturbing to the man. Unfortunately, if the man becomes attracted to the woman simply for sex enjoyment, then family life becomes abominable.

The great politician Cāṇakya Paṇḍita has said, bhāryā rūpavatī śatruḥ: a beautiful wife is an enemy. Of course every woman in the eyes of her husband is very beautiful. Others may see her as not very beautiful, but the husband, being very much attracted to her, sees her always as very beautiful. If the husband sees the wife as very beautiful, it is to be assumed that he is too much attracted to her. This attraction is the attraction of sex. The whole world is captivated by the two modes of material nature rajo-guṇa and tamo-guṇa, passion and ignorance. 

A Husband's Role if the wife is not properly situated
Generally women are very much passionate and are less intelligent; therefore somehow or other a man should not be under the control of their passion and ignorance. By performing bhakti-yoga, or devotional service, a man can be raised to the platform of goodness. If a husband situated in the mode of goodness can control his wife, who is in passion and ignorance, the woman is benefited. Forgetting her natural inclination for passion and ignorance, the woman becomes obedient and faithful to her husband, who is situated in goodness. Such a life becomes very welcome. The intelligence of the man and woman may then work very nicely together, and they can make a progressive march toward spiritual realization. Otherwise, the husband, coming under the control of the wife, sacrifices his quality of goodness and becomes subservient to the qualities of passion and ignorance. In this way the whole situation becomes polluted.

The conclusion is that a household life is better than a sinful life devoid of responsibility, but if in the household life the husband becomes subordinate to the wife, involvement in materialistic life again becomes prominent. In this way a man’s material bondage becomes enhanced. Because of this, according to the Vedic system, after a certain age a man is recommended to abandon his family life for the stages of vānaprastha and sannyāsa.

Captivation due to illicit sex( husband or wife)

Also see 

Systematic Grhastha Life as enjoined in the Vedas is better than irresponsible sinful life

From Srila Prabhupada's Purport to 4.26.26:

Both man and woman desire one another; that is the basic principle of material existence. Women in general always keep themselves beautiful so that they can be attractive to their lusty husbands. When a lusty husband comes before his wife, the wife takes advantage of his aggressive activities and enjoys life. Generally when a woman is attacked by a man — whether her husband or some other man — she enjoys the attack, being too lusty. In other words, when one’s intelligence is properly utilized, both the intellect and the intelligent person enjoy one another with great satisfaction. As stated in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (7.9.45):

yan maithunādi-gṛhamedhi-sukhaṁ hi tucchaṁ
 kaṇḍūyanena karayor iva duḥkha-duḥkham

The actual happiness of the karmīs is sex life. They work very hard outside the home, and to satiate themselves after their hard labor, they come home to enjoy sex life. King Purañjana went to the forest to hunt, and after his hard labor he returned home to enjoy sex life. If a man lives outside the home and spends a week in a city or somewhere else, at the end of the week he becomes very anxious to return home and enjoy sex with his wife. This is confirmed in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam: yan maithunādi-gṛhamedhi-sukhaṁ hi tuccham. Karmīs work very hard simply to enjoy sex. Modern human society has improved the materialistic way of life simply by inducing unrestricted sex life in many different ways. This is most prominently visible in the Western world.

From 4.26.23:

An effeminate husband, simply being attracted by the external beauty of his wife, tries to become her most obedient servant. Śrīpāda Śaṅkarācārya has therefore advised that we not become attracted by a lump of flesh and blood. The story is told that at one time a man, very much attracted to a beautiful woman, wooed the woman in such a way that she devised a plan to show him the ingredients of her beauty. The woman made a date to see him, and before seeing him she took a purgative, and that whole day and night she simply passed stool, and she preserved that stool in a pot. The next night, when the man came to see her, she appeared very ugly and emaciated. When the man inquired from her about the woman with whom he had an engagement, she replied, “I am that very woman.” The man refused to believe her, not knowing that she had lost all her beauty due to the violent purgative that caused her to pass stool day and night. When the man began to argue with her, the woman said that she was not looking beautiful because she was separated from the ingredients of her beauty. When the man asked how she could be so separated, the woman said, “Come on, and I will show you.” She then showed him the pot filled with liquid stool and vomit. Thus the man became aware that a beautiful woman is simply a lump of matter composed of blood, stool, urine and similar other disgusting ingredients. This is the actual fact, but in a state of illusion, man becomes attracted by illusory beauty and becomes a victim of māyā.

From 4.25.62:

1. Just to satisfy his desires, the King got the Queen, and thus he became cheated by material existence. Although he was not willing to do so, he remained a pet animal under the control of material intelligence.
2.  Just as a pet monkey dances according to the desires of its master, the King danced according to the desires of the Queen. In Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (5.5.2) it is said, mahat-sevāṁ dvāram āhur vimukteḥ: if one associates with a saintly person, a devotee, one’s path of liberation becomes clear.
3.  But if one associates with a woman or with a person who is too much addicted to a woman, his path of bondage becomes completely clear.
4. On the whole, for spiritual advancement one must give up the company of women. This is what is meant by the order of sannyāsa, the renounced order.
5. Before taking sannyāsa, or completely renouncing the material world, one has to practice avoiding illicit sex. Sex life, licit or illicit, is practically the same, but through illicit sex one becomes more and more captivated.
6. By regulating one’s sex life there is a chance that one may eventually be able to renounce sex or renounce the association of women. If this can be done, advancement in spiritual life comes very easily.

How one becomes captivated by the association of one’s dear wife is explained in this chapter by Nārada Muni.

1.  Attraction for one’s wife means attraction for the material qualities.
2. One who is attracted by the material quality of darkness is in the lowest stage of life, whereas one who is attracted by the material quality of goodness is in a better position. 
3. Sometimes we see that when a person is on the platform of material goodness, he is attracted more or less by the cultivation of knowledge.
4. This is, of course, a better position, for knowledge gives one the preference to accept devotional service. Unless one comes to the platform of knowledge, the brahma-bhūta stage, one cannot advance in devotional service. 

Feelings of security derived from material things is illusion

From srila Prabhupada's purport to SB 4.25.55

When the living entity is encircled by wife, children and home, he acts on the mental plane. Sometimes he is very happy, sometimes he is very much satisfied, sometimes he is not satisfied, and sometimes he is bewildered. Bewilderment is called moha, illusion. Illusioned by society, friendship and love, the living entity thinks that his so-called society, friendship and love, nationality, community, etc., will give him protection. He does not know that after death he will be thrown into the hands of a very strong material nature that will force him to accept a certain type of body according to his present work. This body may not even be a human body. Thus the living entity’s feeling of security in this life in the midst of society, wife and friendship is nothing but illusion. All living entities encaged in various material bodies are illusioned by the present activities of material enjoyment. They forget their real business, which is to go back home, back to Godhead.

Everyone who is not in Kṛṣṇa consciousness must be considered to be in illusion. One’s so-called feelings of happiness and satisfaction resulting from material things are also illusions. Factually neither society, friendship, love nor anything else can save one from the onslaught of the external energy, which is symptomized by birth, death, old age and disease. To get even one living entity out of the illusory condition is very difficult; therefore Lord Kṛṣṇa says in Bhagavad-gītā (7.14):

daivī hy eṣā guṇa-mayī
 mama māyā duratyayā
mām eva ye prapadyante
 māyām etāṁ taranti te

“This divine energy of Mine, consisting of the three modes of material nature, is difficult to overcome. But those who have surrendered unto Me can easily cross beyond it.” Therefore, unless one surrenders completely at the lotus feet of Kṛṣṇa, he cannot get out of the entanglement of the three modes of material nature.

Duty of the father

From the purport to SB 4.24.19

It is the duty of the father, the spiritual master and the king to regulate their subordinates in such a way that they ultimately become fully unalloyed devotees of the Supreme Lord. That is the duty of the superiors, and it is the duty of the subordinates to obey their orders perfectly and in a disciplined way.