Husband Wife Interactions must be centered around Lord Krishna else there will be attachment

From Srila Prabhupada's purport to SB 4.28.18 where Puranjana is about to die thinking about his wife
King Purañjana was anxiously thinking, “Alas, my wife is encumbered by so many children. When I pass from this body, how will she be able to maintain all these family members? Alas, she will be greatly harassed by thoughts of family maintenance.”

All these thoughts of one’s wife indicate that the King was overly engrossed with the thoughts of woman. Generally a chaste woman becomes a very obedient wife. This causes a husband to become attached to his wife, and consequently he thinks of his wife very much at the time of death. This is a very dangerous situation, as is evident from the life of King Purañjana. If one thinks of his wife instead of Kṛṣṇa at the time of death, he will certainly not return home, back to Godhead, but will be forced to accept the body of a woman and thus begin another chapter of material existence.

From Srila Prabhupada's purport to SB 4.28.19

King Purañjana then began to think of his past dealings with his wife. He recalled that his wife would not take her dinner until he had finished his, that she would not take her bath until he had finished his, and that she was always very much attached to him, so much so that if he would sometimes become angry and chastise her, she would simply remain silent and tolerate his misbehavior.

Purport: 

A wife is always supposed to be submissive to her husband. Submission, mild behavior and subservience are qualities in a wife which make a husband very thoughtful of her. For family life it is very good for a husband to be attached to his wife, but it is not very good for spiritual advancement. Thus Kṛṣṇa consciousness must be established in every home. If a husband and wife are very much attached to one another in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, they will both benefit because Kṛṣṇa is the center of their existence. Otherwise, if the husband is too much attached to his wife, he becomes a woman in his next life. The woman, being overly attached to her husband, becomes a man in her next life. Of course, it is an advantage for a woman to become a man, but it is not at all advantageous for the man to become a woman.

Difficulties: What prevented the bull from seeing Krsna's grace as the cause of his suffering?

Post continued from : 

Difficulties: Opportunity for introspection or opportunity for blame?

Srila Prabhupada's purport to 1.17.22:
"A devotee’s conclusion is that no one is directly responsible for being a benefactor or mischief-monger without the sanction of the Lord; therefore he does not consider anyone to be directly responsible for such action. But in both the cases he takes it for granted that either benefit or loss is God-sent, and thus it is His grace. In case of benefit, no one will deny that it is God-sent, but in case of loss or reverses one becomes doubtful about how the Lord could be so unkind to His devotee as to put him in great difficulty. Jesus Christ was seemingly put into such great difficulty, being crucified by the ignorant, but he was never angry at the mischief-mongers. That is the way of accepting a thing, either favorable or unfavorable. Thus for a devotee the identifier is equally a sinner, like the mischief-monger. By God’s grace, the devotee tolerates all reverses. Mahārāja Parīkṣit observed this, and therefore he could understand that the bull was no other than the personality of religion himself. In other words, a devotee has no suffering at all because so-called suffering is also God’s grace for a devotee who sees God in everything. The cow and bull never placed any complaint before the King for being tortured by the personality of Kali, although everyone lodges such complaints before the state authorities. The extraordinary behavior of the bull made the King conclude that the bull was certainly the personality of religion, for no one else could understand the finer intricacies of the codes of religion."

Why did Dharma not say it was God's grace? What prevents one from seeing Krsna and His mercy in all things?(From the purport to 1.17.23)

1. The personality of religion knew perfectly well that nothing can take place without the sanction of the Supreme Lord, and still he was put into doubts by the deluding energy, and thus he refrained from mentioning the supreme cause.
2. This doubtfulness was due to the contamination of both Kali and the material energy. The whole atmosphere of the Age of Kali is magnified by the deluding energy, and the proportion of measurement is inexplicable.

Should we just tolerate and not protect ourselves?

1. An accurate understanding of what occurs , therefore exists on more than one level. If one is being unreasonably beaten by a man with a stick, he will be injured and must defend himself or suffer great pain.
2. Despite the beating being ultimately "God's grace", the "beater" may not have one's best interest in mind. Dealing on this level demands prompt and practical action.
3. While acting practically, however one should nevertheless remember Krsna's ultimate control, because Krsna is the ultimate "doer".
4. Maintaining this awareness while acting will free one from envy, anxiety, and anger, and will carry one the Krsna's Lotus Feet
5. Seeing all that occurs as Krsna's will, a devotee understands that "not a blade of grass" moves without the will of Krsna.
6. Such a person remains free from anxiety amid even the greatest difficulties. 
7. Still along with maintaining this vision one must act practically while simultaneously remaining detached from the results of his action.

At another level, Krsna's desires cause our circumstances:

Because He desires that the living entities fully surrender to Him, become His devotees, and return to Him in the spiritual world.

Difficulties: Opportunity for introspection or opportunity for blame?

In the conversation between the Personality of Religion and Maharaja Pariksit where Dharma is asked to identify the cause of his suffering Dharma gives a very wonderful understanding:

1. Some philosophers claim it is one's own karma
2. Some say it is caused by Brahman- The Lord's Supreme Effulgence
3. Atheists say no cause exists beyond material nature

So based on these he advises the kin to reach his own conclusion.

How would I respond when asked this question?

1. Generally on reflecting on the cause of one's difficulty, one would answer with less philosophy and more accusation.
2. By identifying someone as a doer and viewing the person as an enemy, one comes to seek vengeance than practice introspection.
3. While one tends to justify thoughts of retaliation and the ensuing plan of action, one may not realize that those actions will implicate him/her in painful exchanges birth after birth
4. In addition by meditating on another's bad qualities , one will develop those bad qualities themselves. One's mentality is formed by the object of one's meditation
5. SB 7.1.28: A grassworm confined in a hole of a wall by a bee always thinks of the bee in fear and enmity and later becomes a bee simply because of such remembrance.

Therefore on hearing the bull's extraordinary and philosophical reply to his simple question, Maharaja Pariksit concluded that this bull must be religion personified.

The king thus pondered Dharma's words:

SB 1.17.22: The King said: O you, who are in the form of a bull! You know the truth of religion, and you are speaking according to the principle that the destination intended for the perpetrator of irreligious acts is also intended for one who identifies the perpetrator. You are no other than the personality of religion.

Post continued at 

Difficulties: What prevented the bull from seeing Krsna's grace as the cause of his suffering?

Vaishnava Dealings: How to never be affected by the three fold miseries of the world

When Narada Muni sees Dhruva feeling insulted by the sharp words of his step mother, he instructs him in the aspect of tolerance and relationships in the following way:

1. SB 4.8.28: My dear Dhruva, if you feel that your sense of honor has been insulted, you still have no cause for dissatisfaction. This kind of dissatisfaction is another feature of the illusory energy; every living entity is controlled by his previous actions, and therefore there are different varieties of life for enjoying or suffering.
1. Purport 4.8.28: Nārada Ṛṣi first of all wanted to impress upon Dhruva Mahārāja that he was only a child; he should not have been affected by words of insult or honor. And if he were so developed as to understand honor and insult, then this understanding should have been applied in his own life. He should have known that honor and dishonor are both destined only by one’s previous actions; therefore one should not be sorry or happy under any circumstances.
2. Purport 4.8.27: Ordinarily if a child is rebuked as a rascal or fool, he smiles and does not take such insulting words very seriously. Similarly, if words of honor are offered, he does not appreciate them. But in the case of Dhruva Mahārāja, the kṣatriyaspirit was so strong that he could not tolerate a slight insult from his stepmother which injured his kṣatriya prestige.
2. Purport 4.8.29 Essence: 
1.  Everyone who is intelligent should know that because of our concept of bodily existence, we are subjected to suffering and enjoyment. One who is in the transcendental position, beyond the concept of bodily life, is considered to be intelligent.
3. SB 4.8.33: "One should try to keep himself satisfied in any condition of life — whether distress or happiness — which is offered by the supreme will. A person who endures in this way is able to cross over the darkness of nescience very easily."
1. Purport 4.8.33: Instead of being attached to the circumstantial happiness and distress resulting from pious or impious activities, if we want to get out of the clutches of this nescience, then whatever position we are put in by the will of the Lord we should accept. Thus if we simply surrender unto the Supreme Personality of Godhead, we shall get out of the clutches of this material existence.
4. SB 4.8.34: Every man should act like this: when he meets a person more qualified than himself, he should be very pleased; when he meets someone less qualified than himself, he should be compassionate toward him; and when he meets someone equal to himself, he should make friendship with him. In this way one is never affected by the threefold miseries of this material world.
1. Purport: Generally when we find someone more qualified than
   
   ourselves, we become envious of him; when we find someone less qualified, we deride him; and when we find someone equal we become very proud of our activities. These are the causes of all material tribulations. 
2. The great sage Nārada therefore advised that a devotee should act perfectly. Instead of being envious of a more qualified man, one should be jolly to receive him.
3.  Instead of being oppressive to a less qualified man, one should be compassionate toward him just to raise him to the proper standard.
4.  And when one meets an equal, instead of being proud of one’s own activities before him, one should treat him as a friend. 
5. One should also have compassion for the people in general, who are suffering due to forgetfulness of Kṛṣṇa. These important functions will make one happy within this material world.

How Krishna sees Racists and those who possess a differential outlook ?

SB 3.29.26

As the blazing fire of death, I cause great fear to whoever makes the least discrimination between himself and other living entities because of a differential outlook.

Purport: 

There are bodily differentiations among all varieties of living entities, but a devotee should not distinguish between one living entity and another on such a basis; a devotee’s outlook should be that both the soul and Supersoul are equally present in all varieties of living entities.

Also Brahma says this to Lord Shiva in SB 4.6.47:
Persons who observe everything with differentiation, who are simply attached to fruitive activities, who are mean-minded, who are always pained to see the flourishing condition of others and who thus give distress to them by uttering harsh and piercing words have already been killed by providence. Thus there is no need for them to be killed again by an exalted personality like you.

Persons who are materialistic and always engaged in fruitive activities for material profit cannot endure seeing the flourishing life of others. Except for a few persons in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, the entire world is full of such envious persons, who are perpetually full of anxieties because they are attached to the material body and are without self-realization. Since their hearts are always filled with anxiety, it is understood that they have already been killed by providence. Thus Lord Śiva, as a self-realized Vaiṣṇava, was advised not to kill Dakṣa. A Vaiṣṇava is described aspara-duḥkha-duḥkhī because although he is never distressed in any condition of life, he is distressed to see others in a distressed condition. Vaiṣṇavas, therefore, should not try to kill by any action of the body or mind but should try to revive the Kṛṣṇa consciousness of others out of compassion for them. The Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement has been started to deliver the envious persons of the world from the clutches of māyā, and even though devotees are sometimes put into trouble, they push on the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement in all tolerance. Lord Caitanya advises:

tṛṇād api sunīcena
 taror api sahiṣṇunā
amāninā mānadena
 kīrtanīyaḥ sadā hariḥ

“One can chant the holy name of the Lord in a humble state of mind, thinking himself lower than the straw in the street. One should be more tolerant than the tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige and ready to offer all respects to others. In such a state of mind one can chant the holy name of the Lord constantly.” (Śikṣāṣṭaka 3)

A Vaiṣṇava should follow the examples of such Vaiṣṇavas as Haridāsa Ṭhākura, Nityānanda Prabhu and also Lord Jesus Christ. There is no need to kill anyone who has already been killed. But it should be noted herewith that a Vaiṣṇava should not tolerate the blaspheming of Viṣṇu or Vaiṣṇavas, although he should tolerate personal insults to himself.

Prayers by Queen kunti- Verses 23- 25 Bridging the Gap

Bridging the gap between our consciousness and Queen Kunti's consciousness is a tall order.We are very far removed from the spiritual realm to understand her mood and consciousness. However a sincere attempt however insignificant will be pleasing to the Lord and therefore we try even if we know we may fail.

Below we will examine some of Queen Kunti's qualities that set her apart from us. We will also try to examine our own consciousness and based on the teachings of the parampara see how we can bridge the gap:

• The spiritual conception - identification as a spirit soul who is the servant of the Lord
• We have a strong identification with our material identity. This identification bewilders us in difficult situations as all that we identify with seems to be at stake. We become fearful and anxious about losing those gross and subtle "things" that define our material identity. We get further lost in trying to protect ourselves. Its a huge stab on our false ego because we realize we are powerless and are not able to do anything to protect ourselves.
• Kunti Maharani on the other hand maintains her poise because she was firmly situated in the spiritual conception
  
• She had full understanding of the Lord's position, she had full connection with her identity as a spirit soul - an eternal servant of the Lord and she was fully situated in her relationship as the Lord's servant and part and parcel. Service to the Lord and the Lord's association were the only things of value for her- nothing else mattered.
• She did not care if she lost "anything"  because she did not identify with anyone save and except the Lord and His service.
• Cultivating Gratitude:
• I read a quote by HH Radhanath Swami(on his facebook page) on gratitude "Of all disgraceful behavior, there is nothing worse than ingratitude."Kunti Maharani had gratitude for the Lord that He was present with them in times of difficulty- she was very thankful for the protection that He awarded on them- she was not complaining that why was there calamity in the first place if You were there with us- because of her spiritual conception she did not care for anything save and except the association of the Lord.
• We on the other hand because of our strong identification with matter feel incomplete in our lives constantly. Because we define our lives based on matter- anything missing makes us feel incomplete compared to others and hence we are constantly complaining.
• As we try to situate ourselves more and more in the spiritual identity we must mindfully  cultivate gratitude for all that Lord Krishna has given to us.What would our lives have been without all the opportunities for service, without the Holy Name, Srila Prabhupada's books, association of devotees, and prasad. We would not be able to get closer to Krishna at all.
• Mindfully reminding ourselves of our good fortune is a good exercise for us to brace ourselves in times of difficulty.
• We must also remember that each part of Krishna is a Complete Whole- we being parts and parcels of Krishna are Complete to the extent to which we identify ourselves as a soul is who is an eternal servant of Krishna. Our identification with matter makes us feel incomplete even if matter seems to be equipped to fulfill our desires- our identification with it makes us feel incomplete.
• Understand why this is happening to me:
• In HG Narayani Mataji's seminar on Prayers of Kunti Maharani she says that only if we understand properly why the difficult times are upon us can we respond in a proper way when the times way. What is that proper way- to respond as a servant of Krishna would.
• Why is this happening to me?
1. Past desire
2. Past prayer
3. Test us- we should not complain
4. Make us more dependent
5. To shake us from our complacency
6. To make us aware of our real identity- we are not controllers but servants
7. To show us how miserable this place is
8. Our own Karma
9. Krishna's plan
10. By giving difficulty Krishna takes away the bad thing

How should we respond to Difficulties?

1. Take shelter of the Vaishnavas
2. Depend on Him more - through chanting, hearing, reading, serving
3. Correcting our mistakes- Becoming free from my body
   From Bhurijana Prabhu's notes in "Unveiling His Lotus Feet"
   Understand what Krishna wants me to understand from this
   Bhurijana Prabhu says : Life's real challenge is to transform difficulties into sources of freedom- sever material attachment and seek Krishna's shelter. Hold on more tightly to Krishna
4. Krishna is minimizing my karma - like Kunti Devi
5. Prayer 
6. Engage in service- Prahlada Maharaja says 7.19.17 - only remedy is to engage in your service
   "Although there are many remedies by which to get out of miserable life, any such remedies in the material world are more miserable than the miseries themselves. Therefore I think that the only remedy is to engage in Your service. Kindly instruct me in such service."
   Attempts to mitigate the miseries of material existence by material methods will never be successful. One must take to Kṛṣṇa consciousness to become really happy;
   "My Lord Nṛsiḿhadeva, O Supreme, because of a bodily conception of life, embodied souls neglected and not cared for by You cannot do anything for their betterment. Whatever remedies they accept, although perhaps temporarily beneficial, are certainly impermanent. For example, a father and mother cannot protect their child, a physician and medicine cannot relieve a suffering patient, and a boat on the ocean cannot protect a drowning man"
7. Change your attitude towards service 
8. Gratefully search for Krishna's love in that difficulty like Kunti Maharani did
9. Chance to remember Krishna
10. Somehow or other contact Krishna when in danger- if you have DS then you can use any of the 9 processes to contact Krishna
11. A servant does not complain - but accepts
12. even great exalted pure devotees go through difficulties- then what is my position and audacity to not expect difficulties
13. This is just a token - I deserve worse

How to care for yourself /others who are going through calamity?

1. Do not deny your/their feelings - it is natural to be affected emotionally
2. Give compassion to yourself/others for your situation
3. Resolve your feelings
4. Help yourself/others maintain your integrity as a devotee by not responding to difficulties in a non- Krishna Conscious way
5. .....
6. ......

Prayers by Queen Kunti - verse 1.8.25 Attraction to the Lord

vipadaḥ santu tāḥ śaśvat
 tatra tatra jagad-guro
bhavato darśanaṁ yat syād
 apunar bhava-darśanam

SB 1.8.25 — I wish that all those calamities would happen again and again so that we could see You again and again, for seeing You means that we will no longer see repeated births and deaths.

In Texts 23 and 24 she expresses gratitude to the Lord for always being there with them. In this text she further reveals her ecstasy and wishes that those difficult calamities happen again and again because in all the difficulties the Lord was personally present with them to help them.

Kunti Devi had single minded attraction towards the Lord. Because of her exalted status as a devotee and being fully situated in love for the Lord she was oblivious to the external very difficult material situations she went through- in fact she was happy that those difficult situations came because of which Kunti and the Pandavas got association of Their object of devotion- the all merciful all loving Lord Sri Krishna. 

She is feeling immense separation from the Lord as the Lord is about to depart for Dwarka and they would miss the darshan of the Lord. Thus she prays " I wish the calamities happen again and again so that the Lord is always with us"

This is the greatness of a devotee of the Lord- The devotee is ready to go through any situation as long as they get the association and darshan of the Lord and the devotees. 

How do we bridge the gap?
Hearing Kunti Devi's prayers is an eye opener. Her prayers reveal the mood of a devotee who is very dear to the Lord.
One of the reasons that reading Srimad Bhagavatam is encouraged  is so that we can go deeper in the mood of these devotees of the Lord and try to follow in their footsteps.
Considering we are so fallen, covered, ignorant, attracted to matter and so far away removed from the goal how can we possibly try to emulate Kunti Maharani's poise in difficulties and her attraction to Krishna?

We will examine that and more in the next post:
Prayers by Queen Kunti- Verses 23- 25 Bridging the Gap
 

 

Prayers by Queen Kunti- Verses 1.8.23-24 - Gratitude

Verses 23-25 are especially instructive for us - through these verse we see how Kunti viewed the various dangerous events of her life . How she was full of gratitude for the Lord for helping them and saving them from various dangerous situations and how because he personally came in each of those situations to save them, she wished that those difficult situations would repeat themselves.
In this post we will take inspiration from the mood of gratitude that she expresses in the verses 23 and 24 and see how we can practically apply this in our lives

1.8.23
yathā hṛṣīkeśa khalena devakī
 kaṁsena ruddhāticiraṁ śucārpitā
vimocitāhaṁ ca sahātmajā vibho
 tvayaiva nāthena muhur vipad-gaṇāt

SB 1.8.23 — O Hṛṣīkeśa, master of the senses and Lord of lords, You have released Your mother, Devakī, who was long imprisoned and distressed by the envious King Kaṁsa, and me and my children from a series of constant dangers.

1.8.24

viṣān mahāgneḥ puruṣāda-darśanād
 asat-sabhāyā vana-vāsa-kṛcchrataḥ
mṛdhe mṛdhe ’neka-mahārathāstrato
 drauṇy-astrataś cāsma hare ’bhirakṣitāḥ

SB 1.8.24 — My dear Kṛṣṇa, Your Lordship has protected us from a poisoned cake, from a great fire, from cannibals, from the vicious assembly, from sufferings during our exile in the forest and from the battle where great generals fought. And now You have saved us from the weapon of Aśvatthāmā.

No Bitterness and No Complains

One can get very bitter in ones outlook of life and of people if one has gone through a very difficult life.Usually such people also lose faith in God. Reading Kunti Dev's prayers we see that she has absolute no bitterness about any of the trials and tribulations she had to face that in spite of being a very elevated devotee of the Lord. She did not think why did the Lord put us through so much when we are such nice devotees of the Lord? Why should we have to face any difficulty if the Lord is always by our side?

Instead Kunti devi offers her gratitude "thank you Lord for being there with us in all the difficult situations and protecting us and giving us strength. We are fortunate that there were so many difficulties - because of which you always came to protect us and we got to see You."

Gratitude:

Queen Kunti is thankful to the Lord for His presence and protection in all the difficult situations she and her family went through. Through these verses she has expressed that the Lord was constantly with them in every situation of their life and she is extremely grateful for that.

• In spite of losing her husband at a very young age and raising five children alone she considers herself more fortunate than Devaki. Devaki lost 6 of her children and she also did not get to live with her sons Lord Krishna and Lord Balarama. However Kunti Devi had all her five sons with her inspite of all the dangerous situations
  
•  Also Devaki did not get association of her own Son- Lord Krishna  but Lord Krishna was always present with Kunti Devi and her sons in all their good times and bad times.

The message of tolerance given by Suta Goswami after Maharaj Pariksit leaves his body

Identification with the body leads to despair

SB 12.6.32: Those who desire to give up all that is not essentially real move systematically, by negative discrimination of the extraneous, to the supreme position of Lord Viṣṇu. Giving up petty materialism, they offer their love exclusively to the Absolute Truth within their hearts and embrace that highest truth in fixed meditation.

SB 12.6.33: Such devotees come to understand the supreme transcendental situation of the Personality of Godhead, Lord Viṣṇu, because they are no longer polluted by the concepts of "I" and "my," which are based on body and home.

SB 12.6.34: One should tolerate all insults and never fail to show proper respect to any person. Avoiding identification with the material body, one should not create enmity with anyone.

We just read about tolerance in the previous post Tolerate where Lord Krishna concludes the pastime of the Avanti Brahmana and mentions that one must just toleate the externals and remained fixed and safe in their spiritual position.

In the verses above we see a similar message being said by Suta Goswami. He says this after he narrates the pastime of Maharaj Pariksit leaving his body.Thus those who understand transcendental knowledge and the impermanence of the material retrain their minds very systematically and carefully giving up petty materialism and reposing their love in Lord Sri Krsna.

Once they are successful in giving up the concepts of "I" and "Mine" they can clearly understand the Personality of Godhead Lord Sri Krishna. They are not attracted to matter any more because of their careful cultivation. Also they do not entangle themselves in matter and thus tolerate all types of insults because they do not identify with the material body. They are not affected by the insults at all.

Since they are situated in the spiritual conception and act on the platform of the soul they offer respect to everyone around them as they see everyone as a part of parcel of their most lovable Lord.

Practical application:

I am not this body made of flesh, pus, stool, and urine.

• I am the soul - I am not this body
• I heard Jaya Jagannath Prabhu say in Chicago that our vision of the world and of people is autobiographical - we follow the principle " atmavan Manyate jagat".
• Thus if we consider ourselves as matter we will view others also as matter , but when we understand ourselves as a soul , as a part and parcel of Krishna then we will be able to see others also as parts and parcels of Krishna.

 Thus by careful cultivation we must try to situate ourselves in our eternal identity as a spirit soul and stop identifying with our body. Srila Prabhupada in most of his lectures emphasizes this very fact the application of which is fundamental to our Krishna Consciousness.

Tolerate

As an aspiring devotee when I am faced with a provoking situation or a material disturbance - I usually react as if it were an assault to my very existence and being. I take it very personally and react accordingly to stand up for myself or if its a material situation I try my best to bring things back on track.

However as I read Srimad Bhagavatam the message of tolerance is repeatedly stressed upon as the response to a difficult situation or a difficult person by one who is a devotee of the Lord acting on the platform of the soul.The Avadhuta Brahmana and the Avanti Brahmana also teach the same thing by their example.The message of tolerance is also given by Suta Goswami after Maharaj Pariksit leaves his body.You can read the post here.
The essence is that we must tolerate all types of difficult people and situations and not use in our energy in brooding or retaliating as that will keep us in the material conception of life.Instead we must use our intelligence to remain fixed on the Lotus Feet of the Lord fixed in Service to Him and his devotees.


Lord Krishna says in the 11th Canto:

SB 11.22.54-55: The soul's material life, his experience of sense gratification, is actually false, O descendant of Daśārha, just like trees' appearance of quivering when the trees are reflected in agitated water, or like the earth's appearance of spinning due to one's spinning his eyes around, or like the world of a fantasy or dream.

SB 11.22.56: For one who is meditating on sense gratification, material life, although lacking factual existence, does not go away, just as the unpleasant experiences of a dream do not.

SB 11.22.57: Therefore, O Uddhava, do not try to enjoy sense gratification with the material senses. See how illusion based on material dualities prevents one from realizing the self.

He says that illusion based on material dualities prevents us from realizing the self. The life that we think is ours is based on illusion, its based on a false reality - everything that we aspire for in the material world is temporary. If everything is temporary then why cry over something that we did not receive, over some respect that someone did not give us, over some pain someone inflicted upon us. If we identify with the body and the mind all these will seem very hurtful. Then our mind gets engrossed in the pain and in plans about retaliting to those who have caused us pain - thus taking time away from Krishna.

However if we realize that everything that is happening to me is my own karma coming back and everything that is happening to me is destroying the plans of enjoyment of my body and senses - if I waste time brooding over it- it is time away from Krishna.If I do not understand this and stay in the material conception I will further entangle myself in the material conception of life and go deeper in the material pool. Instead let me just tolerate these dualities like how I tolerate the summer and winter months without getting disturbed and let me keep my mind focussed on serving Lord Sri Krishna who is my eternal master and serving His servants just as Lord Sri Krishna instructs Uddhava in the following verse:

SB 11.22.58-59: Even though neglected, insulted, ridiculed or envied by bad men, or even though repeatedly agitated by being beaten, tied up or deprived of one's occupation, spat upon or polluted with urine by ignorant people, one who desires the highest goal in life should in spite of all these difficulties use his intelligence to keep himself safe on the spiritual platform.

Death of the false ego - the Ultimate Annihilation

While reading Srila Prabhupada's translations of Srimad Bhagavatam and Bhagavad Gita we learn about the temporary nature of the material world. There are detailed descriptions of the creation of the material world, the gross and subtle bodies of the jivas and creation of related paraphernalia. Also there are detailed descriptions of how the creation is annihilated at the end of Brahma's day and at the end of Brahma's life.
In the 12th canto we see that just before Maharaj Pariksit is about to leave his body Sukadeva Goswami explains the 4 categories of Annihilation - An entire chapter is devoted to this topic just before Maharaj Pariksit leaves his body. 

While reading this chapter I was wondering that if Sukadeva Goswami considers this topic pertinent just before Maharaj Pariksit is leaving his body- it must be very important for us in the preparation for our final test.

Sukadeva Goswami describes in detail the annihilation at the end of Brahma's day , during which all the threee planetary systems are subject to destruction. He also describes the annihilation at the end of Brahma's life during which the seven basic elements of creation are annihilated during which the energies belonging to the Supreme Person and His unmanifest material nature, merge together totally becoming pradana. He also describes continuous transformation that living entities undergoes as another type of annihilation.
These descriptions help us understand the temporary nature of the world we are in.

Following such descriptions Sukadeva Goswami says the following verse to Maharaj Pariksit:




SB 12.4.34: My dear Parīkṣit, when the illusory false ego that binds the soul has been cut off with the sword of discriminating knowledge and one has developed realization of Lord Acyuta, the Supreme Soul, this is called the ātyantika, or ultimate, annihilation of material existence.


In this verse Sukadeva Goswami describes that the death of the false ego as the ultimate annhilation of material existence.

• Since the creation is temporary and our bodies our temporary- all the things and desires we attach ourselves too are also temporary - they have no basis and contribution in our eternal relationship with the Lord.
• All the emotions we feel on the mental plane of happiness , sadness, anger, distress, melancholy owing to our attachment to matter have no meaning because the same matter will be wrapped up into pradhan at annihilation.
• All the disagreements,fear, feelings, strong emotions like envy and hatred are a total time waster because they are based on matter and matter will be merged together totall into pradana and will have no qualities.
• All the things that make me happy like gadgets, clothes, furniture my house and my body will eventually be wrapped up in the annihilation.

If this is so, then it is foolish on my part to identify myself with the false ego that attaches itself to temporary matter.Instead I need to situate myself in my real ego- my real identity of being a servant of Krishna. Thus every action of mine must be governed by this real identity -everything must be done while staying in the relationship with Krishna.I need to give up the past, give up the feelings that are on the mental plane, give up the so called feelings of pain and so called feelings of hurt.They have no basis in my relationship with Krishna. As a true servant- I must just tolerate things that happen to me thinking that it is Krishna's will - I must tolerate things that are happening to me thinking that thpose are the doings of material nature- I should not identify with what is affecting my body or  my false ego because I am not the body and I am not my mind.

It is important for me to practice this now so that I do not have to deal with the pangs of my false ego at death.Its thus important for me to understand this and apply this in my life starting today.

Therefore these instructions of Sukadeva Goswami to Maharaj Pariksit just before his passing are an important instance for us to meditate upon.We need to throw out this weight of the false ego from our existence. Only then we can go deeper in ou relationship with Krishna.

Overcoming Fear: Solution from Srimad Bhagavatam

In the SB 11.2 , the Nine Yogendras explain the process of devotional service to Maharaj Nimi in response to his inquiries on the process of devotional service that is pleasing to the Lord.

While thus covering different aspects of Devotional Service they 9 Yogendras also covered the reasons for Fear and how one can overcome fear.
These have been presented below for Reference:

How can one overcome fear?
SB 11.2.33: Śrī Kavi said: I consider that one whose intelligence is constantly disturbed by his falsely identifying himself with the temporary material world can achieve real freedom from fear only by worshiping the lotus feet of the infallible Supreme Lord. In such devotional service, all fear ceases entirely.


Why is a living entity fearful?
SB 11.2.37: Fear arises when a living entity misidentifies himself as the material body because of absorption in the external, illusory energy of the Lord. When the living entity thus turns away from the Supreme Lord, he also forgets his own constitutional position as a servant of the Lord. This bewildering, fearful condition is effected by the potency for illusion, called māyā. Therefore, an intelligent person should engage unflinchingly in the unalloyed devotional service of the Lord, under the guidance of a bona fide spiritual master, whom he should accept as his worshipable deity and as his very life and soul.

 Process to overcome fear
SB 11.2.41: A devotee should not see anything as being separate from the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Kṛṣṇa. Ether, fire, air, water, earth, the sun and other luminaries, all living beings, the directions, trees and other plants, the rivers and oceans — whatever a devotee experiences he should consider to be an expansion of Kṛṣṇa. Thus seeing everything that exists within creation as the body of the Supreme Lord, Hari, the devotee should offer his sincere respects to the entire expansion of the Lord's body.

From the purport of 11.2.41: As already explained in this chapter, bhayaḿ dvitiyābhiniveśataḥ syāt: fear or illusion arises from thinking that there is something not dependent upon the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Now, in this verse, the specific process for overcoming this fearful illusion is given. One must train one's mind to see everything that exists as an expansion of the potency of the Supreme Lord. By offering respects to everything and meditating upon everything as part of the body of the Lord, one will become free from fear. As stated in Bhagavad-gītā (5.29), suhṛdaḿ sarva-bhūtānām: Kṛṣṇa is the well-wishing friend of every living being. As soon as one understands that everything that exists is under the powerful control of one's most beloved friend, one comes to the stage in which the whole universe becomes a blissful abode (viśvaḿ pūrṇa-sukhāyate), because he sees Kṛṣṇa everywhere.


If everything is controlled by the Supreme Lord whatever has to happen to me will also happen by the will of the Supreme Lord for my benefit. Let me thus not worry about anything else but serving the Supreme Lord with full surrender.My relationship with Krishna is of foremost importance and let me develop that by offering myself in service.

Real Surrender by HH Radhanath Swami

Real Surrender
By H.H. Radhanath Swami Maharaj

The frustrations, the disappointments, the pains, the sufferings that come into our life is the love of God upon us, to purify our hearts, to bring us closer to the real standard of selfless service. We shouldn't react. When Krishna either does it through material nature or does it through another devotee or another living being, we should not respond by throwing thunderbolts upon Him. We should respond by bowing at the lotus feet in the presence of Krishna's mercy and by surrendering. Ultimately surrender means to surrender that ego. You can surrender all your material possessions, all your money. You can surrender your physical form to do whatever you are asked, but it is all incomplete until we surrender our ego to Krishna. And what does it mean to surrender our ego to Krishna? It means, "Krishna. You are enjoyer. I am meant for your enjoyment." We are striving sincerely to be the servant of the servant of the servant of our Guru and Sri Krishna. When Krishna sees our honest endeavor in this way, by His Grace, He frees us. And He will make so many wonderful divine arrangements to increase our sincerity, our humility, if we accept it with a grateful heart. There is no doubt that Krishna will lift us beyond this realm of Maya into the eternal realm of loving service.

Taking Responsibility

After Jarasandha was killed , Lord Krishna released the 20,800 kings held captive by Jarasandha.The kings recd the Lord's darshan and also spoke words of glorification to Him. They also offer prayers to the Lord and one of them is:

SB 10.73.9: O master, Madhusūdana, we do not blame this King of Magadha, since it is actually by Your mercy that kings fall from their royal position, O almighty Lord.

The kings had been imprisoned for many many years by Jarasandha. They had suffered a lot during their time of imprisonment and had also suffered the pain of being away from their kingdoms and their loved ones.

Inspite of this and the various atrocities meted out by Jarasandha the kings say in the above verse that they do not blame the King of Magadha for their situation and they accept it as the Lord's mercy.

From the purport: "

It is significant that upon seeing Lord Kṛṣṇa and thus becoming purified of their sins, the kings did not feel any mundane hatred or bitterness toward Jarāsandha, who had imprisoned them. Simply by seeing Lord Kṛṣṇa, the kings came to the position of Kṛṣṇa consciousness and spoke these verses, which show deep spiritual wisdom.

"

When we are in a difficult situation especially when it involves some people "causing harm" to us - it is extremely difficult to accept the difficulty as the Lord's mercy. I usually carry anger towards the persons involved in the situation and consider them to be the reasons for my pain and difficulty.

However, it is the Lord's mercy because through that difficulty Krishna is taking away from me all that I am attached to and all that is blocking me from His service. I must be thankful to Him as His mercy in this form is easing out my forward march towards Krishna's lotus feet.

Instead of thinking like that I am caught into thinking about how I have been harmed by certain people and how I want them to understand the pain I went through because of their actions.

Taking responsibility is liberating
Because of such a thought process I am carrying a lot of baggage of expectations towards those persons and am constantly feeling like a victim - remembering all the pain and all the time fearing their next action towards me.Such a thought process is not liberating or uplifting. It is rooting me down to material conceptions- it does not help me grow.

On the other hand if I accept the situation as a result of my own actions and as a part of the Lord's divine plan to lead me in the positive direction it will make me feel very light, happy and positive. I can at the same time still be watchful of the same people and their harm causing potential but not bog myself down with all the fear and the anger.

Takes Humility

It will take some humility on my part to accept everything as a result of my actions and also take responsibility for my feelings. Humility is difficult because it forces me to hold myself accountable for the situation. Blaming is easy - when I do that I don't have to hold myself responsible.

In my situation, everything that is happening is for my benefit- the difficult situations helped me become a stronger person- it made me realize that Krishna is our only shelter, that we cannot change Krishna's plan- that Krishna is more powerful than us. It also helped me understand people and the world more closely- it helped me see how weak people are and how they take shelter of unjust means to control someone in order to hide their own weaknesses.

Oh Lord Krishna please help me understand this in this way- Please help me see everything in my life as Your mercy - Please remove this covering , please help me overcome this thought process so that I can live a life of freedom in devotional service to You- please help me Krishna so that I can offer myself fully to You.

Please help this servant of Yours so that she can overcome her anarthas to serve you completely.

Krsna exemplifies Srila Rupa Goswami's definition of a forgiving person

After the pastime of the lifting of the Govardhan Hill by the Lord - Indra realizes his mistake and offers his apology to the Lord.Indra reveals his mind to the Lord and the Lord reciprocates by revealing His intention.

The manner in which the Lord speaks is very very instructive and it underlines some of the many qualities the Lord posseses.

The Lord says the following three verses:

SB 10.27.15: The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: My dear Indra, it was out of mercy that I stopped the sacrifice meant for you. You were greatly intoxicated by your opulence as King of heaven, and I wanted you to always remember Me.

SB 10.27.16: A man blinded by intoxication with his power and opulence cannot see Me nearby with the rod of punishment in My hand. If I desire his real welfare, I drag him down from his materially fortunate position.

SB 10.27.17: Indra, you may now go. Execute My order and remain in your appointed position as King of heaven. But be sober, without false pride.

The Lord being self- satisfied only does this pastime to give pleasure to the devotees of Vraja and to correct Lord Indra.

Some of the following qualities of the Lord come to my limited mind.

• Forgiving(Ksamasila)
• HH Mahanidhi Swami writes in the Book "Art of Chanting Hare Krishna" under the chapter "The Holy Name and Krsna's qualities" for the quality - "Forgiving"
• Krsna perfectly exemplifies Srila Rupa Goswami's definition of a forgiving person "a person who tolerates all kinds of offenses of the opposite party"/ Certainly Brahma committed a grave offense by kidnapping Krsna's cows and boyfriends. What to speak of Indra, who tried to kill Indra's cows, destroy Vrindavana and annihilate Krsna's family. Yet Krsna tolerated their grievous offenses and compassionately forgave the two demigods.
• Lesson: HH Mahanidhi swami writes : "To preserve the purity of one's spiritual consciousness in the material world, which is full of agitating situations and disrespectful people, one must always remain tolerant. From momemnt to moment we must be ready to forgive and forget all kinds of offenses.
• Possessing Equilibrium (sama)
• The nectar of devotion defines a balanced person as "a person who is unaffected by attachment and envy is said to posses equilibrium". When Indra acted out of pride- Lord Krsna  arranged the pastime of Lifting the Govardhan Hill - not out of a personal agenda an "angry retaliation" or a "show of superiority" or out of feeling disrespected. As we can read in verse SB 10.27.15 the Lord performed the pastime only out of compassion for Indra. He took the task of lifting the Govardhan Hill for 7 days just to correct His deviant son Indra.
• In many situations I react because I am personally hurt or feel disrespected or cheated- However learning from the Lord I must act only out of the mood of service to Guru and Krsna and not out of any other motivation. This will help me maintain equilibrium in service.
• Liberal (vinimayi)
• Krsna does not take away Indra's service in spite of such a gross offense of creating a situation that would have killed the Lord's dear devotees. Instead the Lord , just corrects Indra through this pastime and allows him to continue the service.
• The Lord says in SB 10.27.16 ".If I desire his real welfare, I drag him down from his materially fortunate position." One may feel why does the Lord say this when in the very next verse He tells Indra to continue his service as King of Heaven  SB 10.27.17: "Indra, you may now go. Execute My order and remain in your appointed position as King of heaven. But be sober, without false pride."
•  This shows the quality of the Lord being liberal- He teaches the lesson but still allows the devotees to continue their service to Him, He gives them a chance to change while continuing their service.
• Partial to His devotees
• In the various pastimes where demons attacked Krishna , Krishna killed them - even when their offense was relatively much smaller than the offense of Indra who attacked not only the Lord  but all His devotees and the cows. However the Lord did not attack Indra at all and in fact He forgave him allowed him to continue the service as King of Heaven.

The Lord is so merciful in how he accepts Lord Indra's words and also in how he offers his correction to Indra. Oh Lord! Please bless me so that I can learn from Your example and the example of Your devotees- please give me Your mercy so that I can behave at least in some measure of all that I have received from You and the devotees.Oh Lord please help me follow this example of Yours in my dealings with the devotees.

Lesson from the mountain

While describing the beauty of Vrindavana in rainy season and autumn, Srila Sukadeva Goswami, says in Srimad Bhagavatam verse 10.20.15

 

girayo varsha-dhaaraabhir / hanyamaanaa na vivyathuh
abhibhuyamaanaa vyasanair / yathaadhokshaja-cetasah

 

"Just as devotees whose minds are absorbed in the Personality of Godhead remain peaceful even when attacked by all sorts of  dangers, the mountains in the rainy season were not at all disturbed by the repeated striking of the rain-bearing clouds."

 

When situations are favorable, we are cool and calm and keep doing our normal duties properly. But the moment we face a slight change or disturbance in our normal routine of life, our mind gets agitated and disturbed. Infact these disturbances are real test to our level of sadhana and devotional service. In the above verse Sukadeva Goswami very nicely explains the glories of tolerant nature by taking the example of mountains.

 

Srila Prabhupada, in his marvellos purport to the above verse says, "When splashed by torrents of rain, the mountains are not shaken; rather, they are cleansed of dirt and become resplendent and beautiful. Similarly, an advanced devotee of the Supreme Lord is not shaken from his devotional program by disturbing conditions, which instead cleanse his heart of the dust of  attachment to this world. Thus the devotee becomes beautiful and resplendent by tolerating difficult conditions. In fact, a devotee accepts all reverses in life as the mercy of Lord Krishna, realizing that all suffering is due to the sufferer's own previous misdeeds."
 

From granthraj Message 1989 by Sudarshana Devi Dasi

Gratitude essential for Tolerance

From HH Radhanath Swami's Vyasa Puja address

To the degree we are grateful, to that degree we can access as more and more and more. If we are proud, proud means egoistically proud, we cannot be grateful. An egoistic proud heart always thinks “I deserve something more. I want something else” but a grateful heart he always things, “I do not deserve the gifts I am receiving”. And our acharayas tells us, “This is the qualification to attain the liberation of pure love of god.

“tat te 'nukampäà su-samékñamäëo
bhuïjäna evätma-kåtaà vipäkam
håd-väg-vapurbhir vidadhan namas te
jéveta yo mukti-pade sa däya-bhäk 10.14.8
Even when there are reversals, tragedies, or immense almost unsurpassable obstacles that comes in our life. Even when people are not treating us the way we want them too or the things are just not coming in our way, if we can be grateful, grateful for the opportunity to learn to grow, to take shelter of god and to serve in that situation but we can access the highest wealth, Krishna’s mercy.

Gratitude gives us the power to digest and assimilate god’s grace. Even if we are given the most nutritious food, if we have no power to digest it, all there vitamins and nutritions just go right through us and will get no real benefit. Krishna’s mercy is everywhere and for a devotee, there is unlimited showers of mercy at every single second. If we are actually grateful, grateful does not mean it comes the way we want it. We have to be grateful for however it is coming as it is. That is gratitude. That gives us the power to digest, assimilate and deeply benefit. “Param vijayate sri-krishna-sankirtanam”. Caitanya Mahaprabhu has told us that the prime benediction for all humanity is the name of god. “enechi auñadhi mäyä näçibäro lägi' hari-näma mahä-mantra lao tumi magi”. The holy name is a medicine that can cure us all sufferings and bring us to our natural hope of eternity knowledge and bliss “Sachida nanda”.

Through these qualities, we can have deep gratitude and then the name of God will have the maximum affect of awakening the inner wealth within us. A wealth that cannot be plundered by thieves, cannot be shaken by earthquakes, cannot be blown away by hurricanes or cyclones, cannot be burn by fire, or cannot be moistened by Tsunamies. A wealth that cannot even be touched by death. “Prema pumarto mahana” prema dhana. This is what Sri Caitanya Mahaprabh , this is what Srila Prabhupada has come to give us “The wealth of love for God” Krishna Prema. How much do we really want it? How much do we actually fill the necessity for it? Accordingly that’s how much we will make it priority in our life.

Tolerance

Why "Tolerance" in difficult situations?

1. Tolerance because its Krishna's mercy to correct us
2. Tolerance because its our karma
3. Tolerance because it is Krishna's plan for us - as a service tolerate, if we do not tolerate we are offensive to Krishna
4. Tolerance because we are not the controllers and cannot change the situation that is in Krishna's control
5. Tolerance so that I don't retaliate and create further entangling Karma
6. Tolerance because I have received so much mercy in my life and everything cannot happen the way I want it
7. Tolerance because this is an opportunity to grow, because Krishna is taking personal care of me by putting me in this situation - if I dont I will miss this opportunity
8. Tolerance because this is just a small token of what I deserve, I deserve much worse but Krishna is so merciful He is only giving me a token

What do we need to be able to tolerate?

1. Gratitude : it gives us the ability to assimilate the Lord's grace
2. Ask for Forgiveness in the mood of Lord Brahma asking for forgiveness in the Brahma Vimohana Lila
3. Forgive the perpetrators
4. Accept Responsibility

What do we learn when we tolerate difficult situations?

1. My real identity is I am Krishna's servant - difficult situations or people cannot change that
2. Since my identity is of Krishna's servant - my duty is to serve in all situations. I should not lament abt the externals
3. I cannot change Krishna's plan
4. I need to forgive - the instruments of my karma are not responsible for the situation- Myself and the three modes of material nature are responsible.
5. We become increasingly situated in the spiritual identity and conception of life
6. Dissolving of the false ego.
7. this brought me closer to Krishna - He is so merciful
8. Krishna is very merciful- He arranged the situation to teach me a specific lesson to target a specific anartha

We cannot change Krishna's plan : thus accept and tolerate

When I am in difficulty I try with all my might to come out of it, identify the perpetrator, indulge in the blame game and many such acts except "Accept whatever is in store for me". There is some acceptance however there is more retaliation to the situation.


In the Brahma Vimohana Lila - Lord Brahma was bewildered when he saw all the calves, cows and cowherd boys with Krishna even when he had stolen them a year ago. SG says:

SB 10.13.44
"Thus because Lord Brahmā wanted to mystify the all-pervading Lord Kṛṣṇa, who can never be mystified, but who, on the contrary, mystifies the entire universe, he himself was put into bewilderment by his own mystic power."

SB 10.13.45
"As the darkness of snow on a dark night and the light of a glowworm in the light of day have no value, the mystic power of an inferior person who tries to use it against a person of great power is unable to accomplish anything; instead, the power of that inferior person is diminished."

Lord Brahma wanted to mystify Krishna but he was put into beweilderment as a result of His own plan.

In the purport to 10.13.44 Srila Prabhupada writes:

"Instead of defeating Krishna, Brahma himself was defeated, for he could not understand what Krishna was doing. Since Brahma, the chief person within this universe, was so bewildered, what is to be said of so-called scientists and philosophers? Sarva-dharman parityajya mam ekam saranam vraja [Bg. 18.66]. We should give up all our tiny efforts to defy the arrangement of Krishna. Instead, whatever arrangements He proposes, we should accept. This is always better, for this will make us happy. The more we try to defeat the arrangement of Krishna, the more we become implicated in Krishna's maya (daivi hy esha guna-mayi mama maya duratyaya). But one who has reached the point of surrendering to the instructions of Krishna (mam eva ye prapadyante) is liberated, free from krishna-maya (mayam etam taranti te [Bg. 7.14]). The power of Krishna is just like a government that cannot be overcome. First of all there are laws, and then there is police power, and beyond that is military power. Therefore, what is the use of trying to overcome the power of the government? Similarly, what is the use of trying to challenge Krishna?"

The difficulty hurts because of breaking of a certain relationship, loss of reputation, feeling betrayed, etc.It hurts because the material conception of life that I carry needs these things to be in place for me to happy and when these break down the material conception of a happy life suffers and thus cause pain.The pain and betrayal is too much for the false ego - if it accepts everything the complete conception of the self will break down and because that is intolerable we retaliate. 


Instead of wasting my energy on trying to fix the situation, or clarify my position, it is better that I continue doing my service to the Lord.None of the measures can give me any peace of mind because the difficulty remains for a reason in spite of me trying so many ways to overcome it. The reason it remains is so that I learn to accept it as Krishna's plan. The sooner I accept it as Krishna's plan the sooner I will feel mental relief. The sooner I realize that I am not the controller Krishna is , the sooner I get relief - the difficulty may remain but my perception would have changed.I can get relief from the difficulty only by accepting the situation and tolerating it. I cannot change Krishna's plan. Everything that is happening to me is under His divine arrangement and who am I to be able to change Krishna's plan or fool Krishna by trying creative ways to resolve the situation.
As long as I realize no matter what happens my identity as a servant of Krishna cannot be changed by any force.That identity remains and nobody and no force can change that. Nobody can take away my relationship with Krishna. As soon as I situate myself in such a conception no dualities will affect me, I will see everything as Krishna's loving hand of reciprocation.

Tolerance for being corrected

When difficulties come in my life, I at some point do think about the verse tat te nukampam and think that this is my opportunity to apply it. I also think about the fact that Krishna is the controller and I must surrender to His plan " mare Krishna Rakhe kaun rakhe Krishna Mare Kaun"
However these realizations come and ago during the face of difficulty. Eventually I start fighting it on my own, try to make arrangements to lessen the impact of difficulty which only cause more entanglement.

I sometimes have a spiritual conception while dealing with the difficulty and sometimes a material one. During the difficulty I realize I could have had a sustained spiritual conception during this time if I had performed good sadhana before and I resolve to do better sadhana.
I learn some lessons during that time, that Krishna is trying to teach me something here. He is wanting to correct me in some way, remove certain anarthas from me.

Once the difficulty is over I learn some lessons and miss some lessons and more or less revert back to my old ways.I get a little wiser in devotional service and a little sincere however I start forgetting many lessons. Whenever I remember the difficult time and I remember the painful things I heard, the painful situations I was in and it gives grief to my heart.

Why was it difficult for me ? 

 Obviously "I wasnt treated well but more importantly I could not "Tolerate being Corrected". The tolerance I needed was not to tolerate others and the pain but to tolerate being corrected.
I read this quote "Tolerate being corrected" in article BTG#29-04,1995, The Social Role of Cows
by Hare Krsna Devi Dasi. She writes "Probably no other animal is as tolerant as a cow. If by your daily care and affection you convince the cow or ox that you are its well-wisher, it won’t hold a grudge against you for reprimanding it. It won’t attack you. For example, once, by my foolish negligence, one of our milk cows got loose from her stall, and when I walked into the barn I found her eating from a grain cart. I knew she could die from overeating if she didn’t stop. So I yelled at her, but she didn’t stop. I hit her on the back with a stick, but she still kept eating. Finally, I had to hit her in the face, which I hated to do, especially since it was my fault she got loose. But she stopped eating grain and returned to her stall. In five minutes she was mooing softly for me to come and pet her. She wasn’t at all afraid of me, and she wasn’t angry at me. I knew a dog or cat or even a child would never have such tolerance.
If a person can develop tolerance for being corrected, it is a wonderful asset for advancing in spiritual life. Of course, a spiritual master doesn’t beat his disciple with a stick, but sometimes a disciple’s ego gets hurt when his actions or beliefs are shown mistaken. The cowherd can learn tolerance from the cows and oxen."


Just like Mataji first yelled at the cow, hit her on the back with a stick and then finally had to smack her on the face - Krsna also gives me mini indications of my mistake by giving me mini purification for the same bad habit. I don't end up learning then he gives me a little bigger purification but I still don't learn, because I cannot "tolerate being corrected" its too much for my false ego - I don't learn because I think I am perfect in that area - I don't have that problem someone else does. When I don't learn in-spite of numerous nudges by Krishna then he has to push me hard so that I fall from that false position of being perfect and can realize how I have been making this mistake repeatedly and I need to learn this lesson.

If I can tolerate being corrected it is a wonderful asset for my advancement in spiritual life. So tolerance is not of tolerating the people or the situation or the effects of our karma, it is also tolerating being corrected